Leaving Church

Taking the easy way out

Let me start by stating this blog is not going to be political. Social media has become a beacon of how individuals communicate and navigate the world around them. There are good aspects to social media; however, I have seen more flaws in the way people are now expressing and processing life circumstances than I have seen positive aspects. Yes, I use Facebook for my live sermons, sometimes putting some funny anecdotes up. I watch reels at times, and co-operate with our church's Facebook page. Airing dirty laundry, vanity, political maliciousness, and more have plagued social media and turned it into a dumping zone of fake reality.

More than a dozen times in the last several weeks, I have read posts such as:

• "Screaming that Jesus is your savior right before saying..."Michelle Obama is a man" is why so many people turn away from &hate religion."

• "Anti-LGBT Christians are why people hate God."

• "Christians are fascists"

• "Christians are racists"

• "You can't be a Christian if..."

Let me be clear about two things:

1) I do not care what political party you are, what your background, religion/belief systems are; Everyone around this country needs to stop trying to fix hate with hate.

2) Quit blaming other people for your lack of a relationship with God.

Leaving Church:

There are so many reasons people are stating for leaving the church and abandoning their relationship with God.

• LGBTQ

• Behavior of Christians

• Faith leadership

• Scriptural issues

• moral misalignment

• unanswered prayer to life events

• purity culture

• and more

One might think I am about to debunk all of these things and tell people who feel a certain way that they are wrong. I could. I have actual evidence to debunk many of the reasons I have read and seen in surveys. That isn't the point. So, you might be wondering: What is the point, Allie? Why are you writing this blog that, so far, doesn't seem to have a point?"

What is the church: "The church is not a building. The Church is not a Steeple. The church is not a resting place. The Church is a PEOPLE." When people leave church, they are not necessarily leaving God; they are leaving people. Do I think this is fair? Yes and No. I am a complicated person, I admit! When there is hurt or a feeling that an aspect of someone's life journey is being ostracized, someone doesn't want to come back. I was that person. I left "the church" for a few years, while in seminary, because of PEOPLE! Not just any people, PASTORS! That's right. The person studying to figure out this weird and not all thrilling calling that was placed upon her heart was not attending a church because the people she was studying to "be like" hurt her! What I didn't think about during this time was that by leaving the church, I also left God.

"Allie, I think that is an unfair thing to say. You just said you left the church and you became a pastor. How can you say that by leaving the church you left God?" Without a gathering of brothers and sisters in Christ, one cannot fully have a relationship with God. God calls us to be in fellowship with one another. God calls us to be the body of Christ. One person cannot be the entire body. When you choose to leave "the church," you choose not to be part of the Body of Christ. Now, does being part of "the church" mean you have to be attending a church building with a specific denomination? Absolutely not. It means that you have a group of believers who are going to hold you accountable for your actions, thoughts, and words. You cannot have a relationship with God while also avoiding his other children. You are allowed to set boundaries with certain people. I am not blind to those who claim to be Christ-followers and do evil/vile things. I am not oblivious to the hate that some Christ-followers put out into the world, and then wonder why we all get a bad name. I will say it: Some people suck! We read all about it in the Bible. Hatred and Evil existed in the earliest of creations. A comedian recently reminded me that early in Genesis, Cain chose to take out 1/3 of the remaining population. 4 people existed on earth: Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel...Guess what? Cain took out Abel. 1 of the three other people on the planet was now gone.

Yes, I was in seminary trying to figure out a calling I didn't want and thought God was crazy for giving me. Yes, I was hurt by "the organized religion" that I was part of. Yes, I still have trust issues to this day (it doesn't just go away). I have not been shy about that. When I stepped away from a gathering of brothers and sisters, I also put my relationship with God on the back burner. I was angry, so God got the cold shoulder from me for a while. On top of anger and hurt, I wanted nothing to do with what I decided was the ENTIRE faith system existing within the walls of a building. I hadn't stopped believing in God; he just wasn't getting the attention he deserved.

I blamed people for that. I decided it was people's fault that God was how I perceived HIM in that moment. That is the definition of swiss-cheese logic. It is so full of holes, yet to me, it made perfect sense. If you have decided to walk away from "the church" or from God because of people, then you do not have a relationship with him to start with. Your relationship with God should not be conditional based on humanity. When God made male and female, he said they were good. He gave them Eden and allowed them to roam freely. They chose to separate themselves from God. God didn't choose that. Do you know how many people in our Holy Scriptures struggled with their relationship with God at some point and blamed other people for it? Joseph's brothers sold him into slavery, then told his dad he had died to cover it up. Jonah ran from God's mission and then blamed the people he was supposed to teach for it. King Saul had a prophet to help guide him, yet he kept doing bad things and going against God. Solomon, the son of David, who gives us many wisdom writings in the OT, built idols for his wives. Peter denied Jesus three times. Judas sold Jesus for 30 pieces of Silver.

Your relationship with God should not be based on what other people do. I want you to think about what your life would look like if you applied that same logic to every other relationship you have (family, friends, coworkers, etc.). Are each one of your relationships based on the conditions of other people? People have influence. Our inner circle often finds ways to influence our ways of thinking. If each of our relationships is based on the opinions and conditions of others, relationships wouldn't last. Families fight. Friends grow apart. Romantic relationships change. Guess what relationship doesn't go through all of that? The one you have with God. God doesn't change. God doesn't put conditions on his relationship with you. Like a healthy relationship, there are goals and expectations. He doesn't fold his arms to you and give you the cold shoulder. When you are mad, He is there for you to beat on His chest. When He is mad at you, He still loves you and offers a learning opportunity. When you are sad, He is there to dry your tears and listen to what you are feeling without judgment or expectations of when or how you heal. When you are lonely, He is the wind on your face that reminds you He is walking right beside you, even when you don't talk to Him. God wants your heart. That is all he wants.

Please stop blaming other people because you do not want to have a relationship with God. If you do not want a relationship with God, that is your choice. It is not because of other people; that is just an easy excuse. When the Israelites felt God wasn't there, He gave them a way out of Egypt. When they felt lost in the wilderness, he provided what they needed to survive. When Job was attacked by Satan, God was there to make sure he lived, and was blessed more than he had been before because he trusted and had faith in God. When David committed adultery and murder, God opened up a door for his repentance and change of heart. When the prophet Jeremiah felt too young for his calling, God walked with him and provided reassurance. When Jesus was approached with the adulteress women, he pointed out that everyone had sinned by saying, "He without sin be the first to cast the stone." When Martha became angry with Mary for not helping serve Jesus and his disciples, Jesus recognized Martha's anger, comforted her, and then gave her a new perspective. When Peter denied Jesus, Jesus offered forgiveness. When Thomas doubted, Jesus let him see for himself and provided understanding.

People are always going to be flawed. People are always going to make choices that hurt others. When we were created in the image of God, we were endowed with the gift of freewill, a gift that gets misused daily. If you have walked away from God, or you know someone who has walked away from God, pray for them. Don't scold. Don't try to force them to change their minds. They have to want that relationship with God. He didn't want robots that just automatically worship Him and want to have a relationship. He extends his open arms to all people. It is an INDIVIDUAL choice to have a relationship with Him. He loves you unconditionally, just like He has with people throughout history.