Civility

Formal politeness and courtesy in behavior or speech.

Looking around our own country, let alone the rest of the world, it seems like the notion of civility feels long gone. I spoke with the kids that showed for youth group last night and asked them what civility meant to them. They grinned but didn't respond at first. My oldest finally spoke and said, "being civil." Technically that is correct. This prompted me to ask them what being civil meant. After a brief pause I received answers such as politeness, being kind, helping others, etc. The local library had a worker that reached out to me and asked for some help with something promoting civility. I then challenged my kids to draw something that represented civility to them. I was proud of the different ways they interpreted civility.

What is it about society that makes the practice of civility so hard? This isn't a new idea by any means. Civility has been a hard subject since the beginning of man! Let's face fact, we can go back to the creation of Adam and Eve and see how civility is a problem from the start. Adam is formed, God doesn't think man should be alone so he knocks him out and takes a rib to form Eve so he has a companion. He gave them clear rule over the garden and over all creatures with just one request: do not eat the fruit from the tree of knowledge. God gave them a true paradise to live in, and they couldn't respect God enough to stay away from the unidentified fruit of the Old Testament.

From there we see civility go out the window among each other. Power, pride and greed take over us and we exile fellow humans from their lands because we don't like something about them. The prophets saw it as Yahweh's punishment for the sins of Israel. The internal issues show it to be the consequence of the rise of Neo-Babylonian power in the Ancient Near East. Judah's kings rebelled against their new Suzerain Nebuchadnezzar and as a result of this the nation was destroyed and carried away into captivity.

In this day in age, we can have all the material things we want, yet it doesn't mean anything. They way we treat each other shows our real colors.

Civility requires accountability and control over our lives. In a perfect world, civility should be taught to us from who ever raised us, but that isn't always the case. Each individual has to decide if integrity and truth will exist. It is hard to admit that our environments can impact how we act and react to the world around us. Tajnia Hussain wrote, "Environment is an extremely important part of one’s life because it determines how someone is as a person." Many aspects of our ability to be civil in a productive way stems from our understanding of our personality and personality theory.

Franz Boaz is the founder of Cultural Relativism, studying the relationship between culture and personality. He had a student that expanded the research, Ruth Benedict. Although Benedict initially studied the comparisons of how the culture of different Native-American tribes effect the individual groups, she is well known for her work, Patterns of Culture. Benedict wrote, “A culture, like an individual, is a more or less consistent pattern of thought and action”. Benedict explained that only a few characteristics become the leading personality traits of the persons living in that culture. Benedict also desired to show that each culture has its own moral essentials that can be understood only if one studies that culture as a whole.

Cultural Relativism and the notion of concept of self can be related to Abraham Maslow’s Humanistic Theory of Personality. There is criticism that Maslow’s theory is considered relative to each culture and society and cannot be universally applied which I believe is true for any theory. Maslow expanded the field of humanistic psychology to include an explanation of how human needs change throughout an individual’s lifespan, and how these needs influence the development of personality. There is a need of self-actualization and a focus on subjective experiences and free will. One aspect of Humanistic Theory that is relatable to how I understand personality theory is the fact that the stages are not necessarily broken down into age categories.

Maslow developed a way of looking at the human needs and how they move from one level to another using a pyramid format. Physiological needs must be met before an individual can move to safety. After safety come love and belonging. Building on that involved the development of esteem which is followed by self-actualization. Most self-actualizers have a great sense of awareness and demonstrates a consistency in love and awe of life according to Maslow:

“They often described peak experiences during which they felt such an intense degree of satisfaction that they seemed to transcend themselves. They actively engaged in activities that would bring about this feeling of unity and meaningfulness. Despite this fact, most of these individuals seemed deeply rooted in reality and were active problem-seekers and solvers.” Lumen Learning Boundless Psychology

“Humanistic psychology emphasized the active role of the individual in shaping their internal and external worlds.” Rogers based his personality theories on subjective experiences and humanistic psychology. The notion that everyone exists in a constantly changing world in which the individual is at the center, is how Rogers attempts to demonstrate his theory. The chart I found interesting put the first circle being the “Individual,” the center circle being the “Phenomenal Field” and the right circle being the “Environment.” The individual reacts to any changes in the phenomenal field including external objects/sources/events and internal thoughts and emotions. This causes the individual to form a structure or self-concept as a result of interactions with their environment and others. “If a person has a positive self-concept, they tend to feel good about who they are and often see the world as a safe and positive place. If they have a negative self-concept, they may feel unhappy with who they are.” Rogers goes on to talk about the “ideal self” and the “real self”. This is where the individual has to understand the person they want to be (ideal) versus the person they actual are (real). “We experience congruence when our thoughts about our real self and ideal self are very similar—in other words, when our self-concept is accurate. High congruence leads to a greater sense of self-worth and a healthy, productive life.”

Rogers theory involves relating one’s experiences to their environment as well as adapting the balance of ideal self and real self.

Rogers theory involves relating one’s experiences to their environment as well as adapting the balance of ideal self and real self. I believing this practice of self-concept allows for the most open conversation with the best likelihood for an individual to grow. If we could grow with one another and be open to understanding why we are the way we are, we might have a chance at practicing civility and create peace instead of division. When we practice integrity, kindness, courtesy, truth, and good manners we are more approachable and are able to put light into what could be someone else's darkness! Some times we think that something being taught to us by another group or another person is complete truth. How often do we find ourselves acting our of earthly ways instead of looking to God and let him lead. There are religious leaders that have created cults and subgroups where words and actions do not line up. Don't say you believe in God then undermine someone as a human being, whether you mean to or not. Don't say "The Bible Says" so you can justify judging someone on something they do "incorrectly" then turn around and act in a manner that goes against the teaching of Christ.

God calls folks of all kinds, especially the broken. It is through Hope, Peace, Joy and Love that practicing civility can become a cultural phenomenon. Your environment and other factors can have and impact on how you develop and how you learn to be civil, but in the end, you are accountable for your own actions! What will you choose to do? Let's break the barriers that cause division and hate and learn to love one another!