Mirror, Mirror

Thoughts on Mental Health

Have you ever noticed that your mood and your mental health impacts your ability to understand who you are and what you are feeling? Mental health is something that many folks in the church don’t like to talk about because it is still seen as taboo. There are some religious personnel that think people that have mental health issues should just “pray it away.” In fact, some of the most hurtful comments come from folks in the universal church:

“You aren’t a good Christian if you can’t beat your depression.”

“You don’t have enough faith. You just need to trust in God.”

“You need to pray more.”

“You are letting the Devil in. You are possessed.”

Comments like these don’t help someone. Fact: these comments hinder spiritual growth/journey and willingness to seek the help needed.

As someone who has battled depression and anxiety since middle school, I know the pain of being made to feel like a freak. I have endured these comments. I was also called a hypochondriac by a friend in the church. When hearing these types of comments for many years I fell deeper and deeper into depression. My appearance began to reflect my internal struggle with my health and my spirituality. First, my hair changed. Then my clothes started to change followed by my art and music. Folks at the church noticed that something was off. “Mirror, mirror…mirror on the wall; telling those lies pointing out your flaws. That isn’t who you are!”-For King and Country

Instead of putting their own perceptions and thoughts of what was right aside, they made more comments that were often more judgmental than helpful:

“What’s up with the hair?”

“Why such a hard look?”

“Really, another tattoo?”

“Jesus is looking at you and doesn’t know what to think.”

I hated who I saw in the mirror. I identified with the image I saw, but I hated it. I was once this belle of the ball type girl who tried to look nice, hair done, makeup on, heels, etc. Now I had short hair with multiple colors, dark clothing, bulky jewelry, intense makeup, combat boots, etc. I felt like an alien in my own skin. This creation made by God could not be seen as good in his eyes anymore. “So, when it's late; You're wide awake; Too much to take; Don't you dare forget that in the pain, you can be brave, and safe!”-For King and Country

I walked away from my prayer life unless I was with my bible study buddy, Gayle, who I call mama Gayle. Unlike most of the folks at my church, she was the only one that saw past my exterior and challenged me to talk about what was happening. She never made me feel like a broken record for constantly being stuck in my depression, not seeing a way out. She encouraged me to be open to other forms of help, besides the therapy, which she fully supported. I constantly pushed away wanting to be on medication because in my mind, I should be able to beat this. I also had the thoughts of others in my head, “You aren’t trusting God.”

I remember saying to her during one of our weekly meetings, “I don’t think God likes me very much. How could he? I don’t look like the follower he would call. I don’t behave like the follower he would call. I certainly don’t have the faith of a follower he would call. Yes, I know he loves me. I just don’t think he likes me very much.”

Mama Gayle knew how to talk to me with a kind tone while also being blunt when necessary. In her own words she reminded me that I have let too many voices that are not of God get into my head. She lovingly scolded me on some habits I took to as a way of ignoring my internal battles. She could smell the faint but still present smell of tobacco. She could see the physical effect of eating habits changing. She could see in my eyes that the enthusiasm for life I once had was diminishing. Many of the voices I was letting rule my life were voices from my then church family. Without wanting to be accountable, folk in the Christ-following world think they have a right to judge what is acceptable in the eyes of God. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that ain’t our job! In fact, I am pretty sure the command we were left with was “Love the Lord your God and Love your neighbor!”

Even in the times we are in, there are folks within the church that do not want to talk about or hear stories of mental health struggles. That needs to change. The Holy Bible is filled with stories of folks that battle mental health issues. Jesus loved and helped people who dealt with mental health issues. The Old Testament has examples of communities crumbling from leaders who struggled with mental health issues. It is part of mankind.

I give you a challenge: Take a look at your life journey. Think of ways that your mental health took a hit, no matter the level of severity. How can you use your journey that you have been on to reach someone else? How can we open our doors to be more receptive to others and to make them see their journey as beautiful, no matter the struggles they face?

"God sees us dressed white; every wrong made right. God sees a rose in bloom at the sight of you!"-For King and Country