Mother's Day

To Whom It Concerns

I am writing to you in hopes that I can make sense of my own perspective. My mind is working and running on multiple paths. If you ask for help to navigate my thoughts, you will meet the scarecrow from The Wizard of OZ pointing you in many directions. My hope is that those who read this blog will look at Mother’s Day with fresh eyes: eyes of love, honor, obedience, support and empathy.

A mother is more than just a person that has conceived, carried, and birth a child. Ask children to describe a mother and you may get descriptions such as someone that gives you wisdom and guidance, someone who cares about you and for you, someone who makes sure you are fed. Mothers are the women in our lives that celebrate the victories and pick us up off the ground when we are defeated. Mothers are the woman who sometimes needs to make hard decisions about the importance for others and puts herself last. A mother is someone that is loving, kind, gentle, and often selfless. A mother takes in children that due to circumstances out of their control and cannot be with their birth parents, and provides love, comfort, guidance, basic necessities for either a short or long period of time. A mother is a woman who adopts a child to give them the security of a family and the care and love that every human being deserves to feel. A mother is a woman that wants to be one with every fiber of her being, but cannot have kids of her own and is barren. She then focuses her motherly instincts on the children in her life through friends and family, or maybe a classroom, because it is something she knows she is built for. A mother is someone that feels the pain of the children she cares for in whatever capacity that may be, and often blame themselves for things they maybe could have done differently to prevent their child from being disappointed or hurt by others.

If we were to be able to have a visual photo album of every female in our life that has portrayed any or all of these characteristics above, the realization would set in that all women should be recognized on Mother’s Day for their willingness to be a mother in some capacity. I, myself, do not have children of my own. I have worked with youth in a variety of ways and have loved each child I have taught, mentored, and cared for, as if they are my own. I have an amazing mother that not only is my birth mother, but raised me to understand and recognize the way other women have also been part of the process. She is my best friend and has always been a guiding star in my life. Anything I wanted to try, she was there to cheer me on and push me to be the best I could be. In her eyes, I could do anything I put my heart into and she worked to make sure I had every opportunity to be victorious. She picked me up when I fell and failed, brushed me off, then walked with me as I got back to life. Although I hold my mom so near to my heart, she never takes offense when I refer to others as a mom. In fact, she normally appreciates the fact that other women still keep an eye on me when she isn’t around. I have had women in my life that have shown me love through different facets. My aunts and grandmothers played a vital role in showing me love.

My grandmother, Alice, whom I am named after, showed me love not only in her actions, but through teaching me how to be independent, diligent and to fight to overcome life obstacles.

My godmother, Aunt Linda, has always treated me like her own. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, she was willing to listen, give guidance and support. She helped me with relocating back home and encouraged me in every new avenue I took. These are mothers.

I have had teachers in my life that have acted as mothers. I remember my 2nd grade teacher, Ms. Fincher. She was not only an amazing teacher, but she had a mothering personality. If one of us came to school and she noticed we were upset, she would offer a hug or a cuddle to make us feel better. She took an interest in her student’s extracurriculars. She came to games and cheered them on. She invited kids to come to the college girl’s basketball game and sit with her team since she was the coach. She worried about the wellbeing of her students both in school and out. Discipline was part of the process. Although she hated being tough on her kids, she always knew that without it she was setting them up for failure. This is love, love for a new batch of children every year and holding them close to her heart as if they were their own. This is a mother.

What happens on Mother’s Day to the women that couldn’t have children of their own? What about the women that want children, but can’t carry them? What about the women that carried their children and lost them at birth? What about the women who lost their children at older ages? We often forget to still honor these women. For the woman who wants children of her own and can’t have them, Mother’s day feels like a slap in the face, a reminder that according to “societal norms” they are seen as a failure for not being able to do something their body is biologically designed to do. It can be a constant point of mourning for a life and dream that will never come to be, without any control or say from the woman. For those Moms out there that conceived but lost the pregnancy, it is filled with memories or thoughts of what should have been. They are left wondering how their life could have been different, why they lost the baby, should they try again? What about the women that had children and lost their children at older ages? I think of the movie Steel Magnolias when Sally Field’s character describes her state of mind post funeral.

“I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can’t! She never could! I’m so mad I don’t know what to do! I want to know why! I want to know why Shelby’s life is over. I want to know how this baby will ever know how wonderful his mother was. Will he ever know what she went through for him? It’s not supposed to happen this way. I am supposed to go first, I have always been ready to go first.”

This is a mother.

Many mothers who have lost children either when they are little kids or adults have had similar thoughts. In a way, losing a child makes you want to forget about the holiday. It becomes a painful memory, similar to those who couldn’t be mothers in the first place. Why was my child taken from me? Why didn’t I go first? What would he/she have grown to be and achieve? How would our family be different? Love from these women is shown by the way they hold on to other children in their lives. The children of their friends, children from church or their neighborhood, nieces/nephews, etc. They love harder than most can understand. They honor these kids by going overboard in ways they care for them and provide for them. They smile and compliment other mom’s who walk by with their children. Love, for them, hurts yet they want to share love to other children because it is part of who they are. This is a mother.

When I think of a mother, besides looking at my own, I think of Sarai and how she had to wait decades to become a mother. When she finally conceived and gave birth to her son, her husband received a request to have him sacrificed to be the father and mother of many. Without her knowledge of the request, she watches her husband and son leave. Although God provided a sacrificial lamb and was pleased with Abraham’s willingness to follow commands, imagine what Sarai thought when they returned and told her what happened.

Jochabed lived in Egypt, where the descendants of Israel were being oppressed. The Pharaoh had decreed that all their baby boys were to be thrown into the Nile, because he feared that they might become too powerful. When Moses, her youngest child, was born, Jochebed hid him for three months until she could hide him no longer. To save her son's life, she waterproofed a basket and put the child in it. Jochebed placed Moses in a basket and released him in the flow of the Nile. The Pharaoh’s daughter was bathing in the river when she came across the basket. She adopted the child as her own. The "sister" of the child (presumed to be Miriam) came around and urged her to find a Hebrew woman to nurse the child. The Pharaoh's daughter agreed and so Miriam called her mother, who was appointed to take care of him. Jochebed nursed her son until he was old enough and brought him to the Pharaoh's daughter, who adopted him as her son. The love these two women had for this child can be unmatched. This is what a mother looks like.

Mary, a pure virgin, was told by God that she would give birth to a child that was conceived by the Holy Spirit. This was to be the Son of God. She watched him grow, she knew he was divine, and then she watched Him die. She could do nothing. She knew this was the plan that God had, that her son would follow through with his purpose. She could do nothing, yet loved her son and was with him every step of the way. This is a mother.

Phoebe was a notable figure for the Apostle Paul. He referred to her as both a servant and a deacon. Phoebe was part of Paul’s teaching team as he sent her to churches to teach and preach his messages to crumbling churches. In Romans, we read, “I commend to you our sister Phoebe, a deacon of the church in Cenchreae. I ask you to receive her in the Lord in a way worthy of his people and to give her any help she may need from you, for she has been the benefactor of many people, including me.” Although we don't know much about her personal life, she spent time caring for people within churches established by the early disciples. She sacrificed her time and energy to emotionally, mentally, and spiritually feed these people. This is a mother.

On this Mother’s Day, I challenge you to look past the commercialism of the holiday. Look past the “requirement” of recognizing a mom because there is a holiday that says you are supposed to. I challenge you to look at all the women in your life, past and present. Look at the lessons they have taught you. Look at the ways you have been changed, even in the darkest circumstances. Thank God for every woman in your life because without them you wouldn’t be where you are. There are women in our lives that might not be the “role model” society thinks they should be. We still learn lessons, maybe they are lessons of what not to do. There are women in our lives that have played a bigger role that went unrecognized in the moment. Thank as many as you can and realize Mother’s day is more than just a holiday of giving gifts to a mom. It is a time where we can step back and thank women everywhere for their love, strength, courage, and support.