Talking to Dogs

Why can't we talk to humans the way we talk to dogs?...or other animals

I have loved animals since I can remember. In fact, I grew up with a dog always around me until I was 25. My first dog was a toy poodle. His name was Buttons and he was a sweet little guy with long ears, odd for a poodle. He was my buddy, really everyone's buddy. We lost him to a dog attack when I was 7. We then got another toy poodle which we named William or Willie. He was the sweetest dog, not much of a barker, more of mild boof he was 18 when he died. He had everyone wrapped around his finger. Even friends of ours that weren't really "dog people '' would allow him on their laps when they had HIS blanket over them. His pictures are the ones above. We also had a Golden Retriever for several months while also having Willie. His name was Romeo. He was the best companion for my 6ft 3in dad. He wanted to be picked up and held just like our toy poodle was. This full-grown retriever learned to jump by watching his 8 lbs toy poodle sibling. Unfortunately, we lost him when he was hit by a car. A major storm had plagued our area. Something was wrong with electrical wiring and programming ( mid to late 90's). When our neighbor across the street would go to open his garage, our door would open too. Without noticing, Romeo decided to follow dad's scent when the garage door went up without our knowledge. We lost our buddy when he was hit by a car.

The older I get, the more I realize and find peace and tranquility in watching people interact with animals. Most of the time, especially with women, if a dog is seen that sweet higher-pitched baby voice comes out. My own family members (primarily the female ones) will stop what they are doing and walk towards a dog and ask the owner if they can pet them. When my dear friend, Emily, was in to visit over the weekend, she actually pointed out and made the comment, "if only we could talk to fellow humans the way we talk to dogs...imagine how much better we would be." I already got her consent to steal that and run with it for a blog because I couldn't agree more. Her comment came from meeting the new addition to my household of our cockapoo, Opie. He is 3 months old and has such a sweet demeanor. He is working on being house trained and gets praised when he does good things. That is what prompted her comment.

It does make one think. When I see or hear how humans talk to animals using that "baby voice," it makes me wonder why the sweet and gentle talk can't take place with other humans. The baby talk happens with infants and toddlers, then we all of a sudden stop talking to them like that as if being a small child makes them on our level. Then, the older humans get, the more rude and hostile we tend to be amongst each other. When someone says or does something, there isn't gentleness in scolding. There are loud voices, name calling and oftentimes, violence. When someone does something good, there isn't the soft "yay good job" being said. We might get a good job and a clap, never with the same gentleness and kindness.

Now I am a tough lady. I hold people accountable and I know my tone can often be harsh when I deem necessary. I also try to talk with my youth, when they do something out of line, and tell why I am not happy and assure them my love hasn't wavered. I never yell and scream. I never make them feel like they have failed without a way to make a comeback. What does that do? What does this way of communication actually achieve? I research and keep seeing the "statistics' ' (I am not a fan of statistics overall because they are never a cut and dry representation of a problem. There is always a way to argue them based on the pool observed) showing that violence, especially gun violence, continues to increase in our country. Why is that? Where does violence come from?

I think about "my kids" (my church kids and youth) and worry about what they see and are exposed to in their everyday lives. When I was reading an article from the American Academy of Children and Adolescent Psychiatry, there was a spot that talked about the range of violent behavior and the factors that can be high risk.

Range of Violent Behavior

Violent behavior in children and adolescents can include a wide range of behaviors: explosive temper tantrums, physical aggression, fighting, threats or attempts to hurt others (including thoughts of wanting to kill others), use of weapons, cruelty toward animals, fire setting, intentional destruction of property and vandalism.

Factors Which Increase Risk of Violent Behavior

Numerous research studies have concluded that a complex interaction or combination of factors leads to an increased risk of violent behavior in children and adolescents. These factors include:

• Previous aggressive or violent behavior

• Being the victim of physical abuse and/or sexual abuse

• Exposure to violence in the home and/or community

• Being the victim of bullying

• Genetic (family heredity) factors

• Exposure to violence in media (TV, movies, etc.)

• Use of drugs and/or alcohol

• Presence of firearms in home

• Combination of stressful family socioeconomic factors (poverty, severe deprivation, marital breakup, single parenting, unemployment, loss of support from extended family)

• Brain damage from head injury

Article: https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/FFF-Guide/Understanding-Violent-Behavior-In-Children-and-Adolescents-055.aspx

I wouldn't say that when I was younger I had anger issues I was definitely a spirited kid and I did have moments where I would whine and throw a tantrum. My parents had ways of curbing that behavior and that reduced my attitude and my ways of being in the world. I think about my kids today and wonder if they have people both in the home and outside of the home that will lovingly correct them and also praise them when the time is appropriate. I think back to when I was younger, as a child or even a teen and young adult. I think of the people that made the biggest impact on my life. The ones that made me a better human weren't the ones that were just tough on me to make me tough. The folks that made the most impact were the ones that held me accountable, probably spoke sternly to me yet showed me love and compassion. Maybe my way of being raised made me an outcast because I tried my best to not be mean or to mock others and to show kindness. Looking back, I wouldn't have traded my "status" in school just to be part of a crowd that would ridicule or look down on others based on money, popularity, medical issues, etc.

For full transparency, I did go through a period in my life where I had severe anger and rage issues. This was not because I actually was an angry person. In fact, when this started in high school, I was a happy person overall. I had a great group of friends, participated in sports and extra-activities, had a very kind boyfriend, etc. It was my senior year of high school. I was already diagnosed and dealing with endometriosis. They were struggling to minimize my issues, so they changed medication. The medication I was put on ended up messing with my hormones to the point that I had rage and anger issues. I would flip like a lightswitch and not even recognize it. I came off the medication after a corrective surgery right after graduation. When the problem resurfaced in my freshman year of college, the medication came back into my life. The problem continued again. After my parents, and my boyfriend at the time, sat me down to talk, I had to make the call. Was the potential solution of this medication worth my own anguish plus the negative impacts of my family? It wasn't. So, I made the choice to make a change and try something else.

I know not everyone's anger is as easy to control like mine was. It still comes down to choices. If we don't do more to sit down with people we know and talk about their anger issues and our concerns, how will we change the situation? Why can't we talk to each other the way we talk to animals?

Even Jesus, when he talked to the roman officials or the Sanhedrin, never raised his voice. That wasn't his style. When Judas betrayed him and handed him over then kissed his cheek, Jesus didn't get angry. He merely asked, "do you betray me with a kiss?" When his disciple cut off the ear of a Roman guard, he didn't yell. He reminded him that if he chooses to be violent, he will die by violence: "Ye who lives by the sword will die by the sword." Jesus didn't get angry. He spoke in words that sent a message loud and clear without anger and without malice. What kind of change in the world could we make if we also spoke this way. Obviously going around using "soft baby talk" with one another may not be the best solution. Instead, we could still keep that in the back of our mind when we are in conflict. If we won't talk to animals this way, why do we talk to each other this way? Maybe we can help change the violent nature of our country by checking our own tone and actions toward other people..